All About Ruby

Here’s an edited snippet from the intro to the book:

Please allow me to introduce myself. My Owner calls me Ruby and seeing as her last name is Ash I guess that must make me Ruby Ash. I assume at some point she thought it might be frightfully clever and amusing if she threw in the extra ‘G’. Yeah, whatever!

I won’t tell you my Owner’s first name to protect the innocent, but I’ll try to give you a very basic picture. She’s tall – a tad over six foot in her killer heels – slim and long limbed, and topped off by quite a striking and unruly mass of curly red hair.

I suppose you would call her girlishly pretty in a pale-skinned, freckly, Nicole-Kidman-with-attitude sort of way. She can be a bit fiery and has very little patience for knob-heads, idiots and douche-bags. Basically, she’s your typical snarky redhead. As am I. I am her vagina.

Now… Here’s ‘The Big Confession’

Ok, sorry about this but here’s where I shatter your illusions: Ruby didn’t really write the book, it was me, Ruby’s Owner. And, you may be shocked to learn, my surname is not Ash either. However, that image up there is sort of me on a good day – with a weeny bit of artistic license and a whole lot of wishful thinking applied! And the bit about me being a typical snarky redhead is spot-on, so be careful with your comments, I bite!

Who am I? Well, that would be telling, wouldn’t it. I could be someone really famous, like J.K.Rowling or Stephenie Meyer, hiding behind a pen-name, but I’m not. Or am I? All I can say is that I’m from the US originally but now live and work in the UK – and my bosses would not be too thrilled if I put my real name on the cover of this book!

Fortunately my job allows me to work online ‘at home’ on a regular basis, so I do most of my writing while staying with friends in Spain, which I do quite regularly. They’re really understanding and generally leave me to get on with it, except sometimes when they drag me away to have a bit of lunch and a bottle or three of chilled white at the local beach bar. Then it’s the rest of the day gone and falling asleep in the shade by the pool. It’s a hard life being a writer sometimes!

I do have a vagina and I do call her Ruby, and the description of Ruby in this earlier blog post is also pretty spot-on. But c’mon, she’s a fucking vagina, how many vaginas do you know that can work a keyboard? (Although I’ve heard there are some vaginas in exotic, far-off lands that can probably do just that!)

How the name came about

I wanted to write the book from Ruby’s point of view so I came up with the pen name of Ruby Gash because it sounded sort of rudely fitting (and the domain name was available, you gotta think of these things). I then thought I’d make it a little less ‘in yer face’ by breaking it up with a middle initial. So Ruby G.Ash was born. I kinda liked it.

Trouble is, I kinda liked it so much I decided to steal it from her and use it myself from now on. Sorry Ruby, I know you had the name first but from now on we’re sharing it, because I have other books in the pipeline and I think the name will be a perfect fit for the genre the books are in.

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If you’ve already bought the book all this will be old news and I thank you from the heart of my bottom. If you haven’t already bought the book, what are you still doing here? Go now, right away, and buy it from your favourite online retailer. You know you want to and I’ll be your bestest friend in the whole world if you do.

“Sex is like reading a book. It’s all about starting at the introduction, proceeding slowly through the middle section and not stopping until you get to the climax and acknowledgements.”
Ruby's Pearls of Wisdom